What Are the Main Advantages of Play Therapy?
September 1, 2026
The hardest part of school anxiety often happens before the school day has begun.
A child wakes with a stomach ache. Breakfast becomes an argument. By the time you reach the door, they are crying, frozen, or begging for one day at home. Then, if they stay home, the symptoms seem to ease. Parents can feel caught between two fears: “What if I push too hard?” and “What if staying home makes this worse?”
School anxiety is not simply a behaviour to correct. It is information. The first task is understanding what the anxiety is trying to prevent.
Some children fear separating from a parent. Others worry about getting an answer wrong, entering a noisy hallway, being excluded, or facing someone who has been unkind. A child with learning difficulties may dread the moment a worksheet appears. A perfectionistic child may be doing well while privately feeling that one mistake would be unbearable.
“I hate school” can sometimes mean, “There is a part of the day I do not know how to get through.”
Choose a calm time to become curious. Instead of asking, “Why don’t you want to go?” try: “Which part of the morning feels hardest?” or “If one part of school could disappear tomorrow, which part would you choose?”
When a child is distressed, repeated reassurance – “Nothing bad will happen” – often works only briefly. The child may return with another question because they are seeking certainty that no parent can provide.
A steadier response sounds like: “I can see that school feels scary today. We are going to help you take the next step.” This holds two truths at once: the fear is real, and the child is still capable.
In therapy, I often see parents blaming themselves for not finding the perfect response. Usually, the problem is not a lack of care. It is that the family has gradually become organized around preventing the child’s anxiety. Mornings get longer, negotiations become more detailed, and everyone watches for the first sign that school may not happen.
Anxiety can quietly become the most powerful person in the house.
Children often manage school anxiety better when the plan is simple and consistent. Prepare clothing, lunches, and school bags the night before. Keep morning conversations brief and calm. Use a warm, clear goodbye rather than reopening the decision several times.
The next step should be specific. It may be walking into the building with a trusted adult, attending the first class, using a quieter entrance, or checking in with the school counsellor.
For some children, a gradual return plan is appropriate. This should be coordinated with the school and, when possible, a health or mental-health professional. The goal is not to force a frightened child through the doors without understanding the fear. It is also not to let avoidance become the only way they experience relief.
A teacher or school counsellor may notice patterns that are invisible at home: anxiety before presentations, peer conflict, sensory overload, difficult transitions, or work that feels unmanageable.
Ask the school to help identify a safe adult and a predictable arrival routine. If bullying, discrimination, learning needs, or safety concerns are involved, those problems require direct action. Anxiety should never be used to explain away something harmful that is actually happening.
Progress may not look like a cheerful child suddenly loving school. It may be a shorter goodbye, one fewer reassurance question, or a child who can say, “My stomach hurts because I am worried about math,” instead of feeling overwhelmed by the entire day.
What was once a wall becomes a problem with edges – and problems with edges can be worked on.
If school anxiety persists, causes frequent physical complaints, disrupts sleep, or repeatedly keeps your child home, speak with your family doctor, paediatrician, school counsellor, or child therapist.
For families in Victoria, BC, counselling can help clarify what is driving the anxiety and build a plan for both the child and parents. The right time to reach out is often not when a child has stopped attending altogether, but when getting them there has begun to take over family life.
I’m Paul Cellarius (RCC, CCC, MA), a therapist trained in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Motivational Interviewing (MI). I work with children, young people, and families in Victoria, and I offer a 15–20 minute consultation for parents who want to talk through what they’re noticing before deciding on next steps. Whether you’re in the early stages of noticing something, or you’ve been managing this for a while and aren’t sure what to try next – that conversation is a reasonable place to start.